In Search of Wyoming’s Only Mobile City

Dear Sir:

A friend of yours has asked me to contact you and explain the location of Flotsam, Wyoming. I can't fathom why you want to go there. But if you must, you will be wise to read this letter carefully as I am the only person who knows how to find my town.

In December 1952, my 1939 Plymouth broke down in southeastern Wyoming. I was never able to get it running again, and as I couldn't afford another car or an apartment, I have been living in my Plymouth since that time. After a few months I began to feel like a man adrift, unable to even name where I lived. I therefore decided to name my car-home "Flotsam," in recognition of my aimless, wandering lifestyle. To this day, I consider it Wyoming's smallest, and only mobile, town.

I spent a decade of hard work and frequent despair in the endless hills, selling antique arrowheads I made myself to tourists. I used the money to buy a horse. It was older than my car, but it ran better. When I ran out of rocks suitable for making arrowheads, I used the horse to pull my car (and therefore, the entire town of Flotsam) to a new location. I have been doing that since the mid-1960s. That is likely the reason that Flotsam, Wyoming has been somewhat difficult for some people to find. In fact, nobody but me has ever come across it.

Here is the tried and true method I generally use to find my way home: starting in downtown Cheyenne, I walk toward the northwest for six days (two if on horseback). I know the direction is northwest because it's four hands to the right of the setting sun, except in June when it is only one hand -- and in December when it's six frozen hands.

I try to make the trip when a storm is expected from the west because the strong winds, while disorienting me completely for a week or more, do tend to eventually steer me into the correct general vicinity.

I forgot to mention the equipment you'll need. It is very important for anyone seeking Flotsam to bring large backpack full of wooden stakes. Take one of the stakes and pound it into the ground anywhere you like. Then walk six paces in any direction and turn so that your left arm points directly to the stake. Then walk around the stake, trying to stay an equal distance from it until you have completed a circle. You have now identified a circular area that clearly does not contain Flotsam, Wyoming, narrowing the range of possibilities.

Next, walk directly away from the stake six more paces and repeat the procedure. Before very many weeks or months have passed, you will have identified a remarkably large area that does not contain Flotsam. If you have been resourceful enough to carry a marking device such as might be used to paint lines on a baseball field, and if you painted lines as you walked, you will have produced a gigantic series of circles that clearly define the growing area that you have already thoroughly searched. Just looking down on it from the hills will be a real morale booster when you need it most.

In the event that you have no such marking device, it is possible after reaching a point several miles from the original stake, to become confused. Believe me! If that occurs, stop where you are and pound another stake into the ground immediately. In fact, this should be your instinctive response whenever anything goes wrong. Begin making new circles until you come across your original stake. While time consuming, this is actually a very lucky turn of events because a portion of the area surveyed in circle two will eventually overlap the lines of circle one, making you doubly certain that Flotsam does not lie within that area.

You will also be hugely heartened to realize that on at least one step as you make your circles, you have taken a step directly toward Flotsam, Wyoming. Of course, you won't know which step that was, but no matter where the town is or where you are (providing the town is outside the circle) you will have taken at least one step directly toward your ultimate goal as you wander in circles. That is an absolute certainty and very good news for a beginner.

Still, after you have traced a dozen or so circles over the course of several months or years, you may become downhearted. If you reach that point, scan the horizon and locate Laramie Peak. It is the highest point in this entire portion of Wyoming. Walk directly to the top of this mountain and look around. On a clear day you will be able to see at least 150 miles in every direction and be thrilled to know that Flotsam, Wyoming is very likely to be somewhere within that distance, even though it may not be possible to spot it against the dark ground because it has been rusting a lot in recent years.

Being of renewed vigor and good cheer, you may wish to have a small party on the summit, having now further eliminated an important area in which Flotsam is not to be found: indeed, it is not possible that Flotsam will be discovered above your current altitude, so you have eliminated the critical direction up from your search and need no longer scan the sky as you walk in circles.

Now, starting at the top of the mountain and facing the general direction of your giant circles painted below, begin walking around and down the mountain - ten feet lower on each orbit. Your heart will throb with excitement as you realize that each step down the mountain further isolates the area in which Flotsam can exist, as it can only be below where you are. Once you approach the circles below, the ones you traced months before, you will realize that the places in which this town isn't are adding up quickly. There is no escaping this logic.

However, if you reach the circles at the bottom of the mountain and still have not found Flotsam, do not blame your methods or think of yourself as a moronic and pathetic loser. There is a very slim possibility it may not be your fault. As I told you, I occasionally move the town from place to place. It is therefore possible that since you began your mission, Flotsam may have moved into an area you have already surveyed. That is the one big disadvantage of taking your own sweet time when you come to visit. Although I accept no responsibility for your misfortune, this turn of events could possibly invalidate much of what you have accomplished for months and even years.

If you have been diligent in your search and believe the town may have moved since your quest began, feel free to deploy sure-fire plan number two, which is to start over. If you do this, be certain to use a different color for your circles. Otherwise things can get plenty confusing. I discovered this in 1969, '70 and '71 during a series of failed attempts to go home.

You will be pleased to know that should you become despondent and lonely, you will have no problem returning to civilization. Hundreds of signs point the way to Cheyenne. It's too bad that not one points the way to Flotsam, something to take up with the Department of Interior (if you need directions, just let me know). Anyway, you can always find your way toward Cheyenne, even though attempting to visit Flotsam can be maddening as hell because frankly it is damn near impossible.

One other hint: Do not be fooled into mistaking other towns you may stumble into for Flotsam. As I told you, the entire town consists of my car and my horse and, when I can find it, me. If you find the town of Casper, for example, you will know without doubt that it is not Flotsam because Flotsam has fifty thousand times fewer people -- infinitely fewer most of the time when I'm not home.

If you really get disoriented and wander into Denver, it will become apparent in short order that you have tragically overshot your goal. Take my word as someone who has made that unfortunate mistake numerous times. You don't want to wander into Denver. Especially, you don't want to be limping along and inadvertently encounter a group of Hells Angels as they are departing the movie Nightmare on Elm Street. Avoid that at all costs.

I hope this letter finds you in good health. Thank you for expressing an interest in my town, Wyoming's only mobile city. Feel free to drop by for a visit whenever the urge strikes.

With best regards,

Martin Krellman

PS: If you are more interested in talking with me than actually finding the Town of Flotsam, you might find me at the Cheyenne Hardware Store. Even though I spend the good majority of my life looking for Flotsam, I have had a great deal more success finding Cheyenne Hardware, where I browse the aisles at least every couple of years. I'm sure they won't mind if you sit and wait. Or, you could always just call me. I carry a cell phone at all times. The number is 555-2431.

Don Hardy